From countless medication changes, to different therapy options, to hospital visits and more I would say I have a lot of knowledge into the patient world. As of a few years ago, and after graduating with my BS in Cognitive Science, I wanted to get into the Clinical Research world. I want to spend my time and the rest of my life working to help those like me. I wish to give my energy to others that can benefit from it. Researching, learning and growing with Mental Health and Clinical Research is what I was meant to do.
Education History
I graduated from High School with a lack of dreams and aspirations for myself and my future. I had no idea where to go from High School. There was a huge part of me that was hesitant to even continue my adventure in life. It took time, effort, energy, and love to go on. I ended up going to a nearby Community College to make up my mind about what I wanted to do in my future.
I had initially thought that I would go to school in Computer Science and pursue being a programmer or coder. But, that wasn't in my calling. I ended up getting really into Mathematics and teaching in Community College. I became obsessed with Mathematics, Calculus and Differential Equations. I decided to work as a Mathematics Tutor throughout College to support my hobbies and endeavors until University.
This was one of the best decisions. Teaching became a focus of my life at that point. Being able to teach, tutor and educate others gave my life meaning in a whole new way. When I ended up getting my Associate's in Mathematics, I then transferred to a Research University in California. University of California - San Diego was not only the best school I could've picked but was the school I was meant to pick. At around the time I started teaching, I looked into this field of study known as "Cognitive Science".
Cognitive Science is an amazing field of study. It's a place that is full of the most brilliant minds and people. UCSD was the starting place for these ideas and inspirations. The collaboration between the mind and the psyche, the mind and the body, the body and the psyche are underdeveloped still. But there is so much potential in this field to flourish and find out everything we can about the connection between psychology, the brain, the mind, and the body.
Work Experiences
Going from my comfy position as a teenager who sometimes tutored others, to being a part-time Tutor and Teacher at my Community College was a very big shift at 18. When I was studying at CC, I prioritized getting all of my energy out and learning as much as I could. I took full classes each semester, participated in clubs and worked long hours after class at the Mathematics Lab. I had so much energy and life to myself.
I was so very lucky to have the work experiences I have had. A few years later, right after transferring to UCSD, I found a job that I fell in love with. I worked at the UCSD-affiliated Birch Aquarium. An Aquarium that really was more of a Research and Rescue Museum for Southern California sea life and marine creatures. This job was fascinating. I never considered Marine Biology to be something so intriguing until then. I learnt so much in such a short and tiny amount of time that it was insane how I did remember so much... Even now!
Things started getting harder... I had a very difficult time after graduating from UCSD in 2024. I spent months, approximately 8 months, struggling financially from unemployment and lack of job interviews and experiences. It took 8 months to finally get the position I am at today. And while it's not what I imagined, I really love what I am currently doing. I am currently working in the Biotechnology world as a Research Lab Assistant. I work with samples and help the Production BSL Labs. It's an amazing experience, albeit nothing I imagined myself ever doing!
Mental Health Background
Obligatory trigger warning as this part (in comparison to the above) is much darker and more serious in regards to hard trauma and its appearance on my life.
My childhood was tough. Coming from a very hard time and having very little security at home and at school, it was a hard life for a long time. My first memories are all extremely dark, sad and scary. Pain, suffering, hurt, and sadness. Depression was one way to put it. Agony was another. I hated everything. From my life, my parents, my abusers, my bullies, my family, my pain, my depression... And worst of all, myself. I hated myself. I hated my being, my life, my existence.
I just didn't know what to do. You just don't know what to do besides hurt the only person you have control over. Yourself. It felt like it would never end. And to be fair, it still hasn't entirely ended. I am doing better. I am coping as I am today, but every day is its own adventure and its own hurt.
You don't know how hard things get until they get worse. Things can go up, and they can go down. It's life, and life is just hard. But, it's survivable. It's livable. It's possible to continue.
Diagnoses/Disorders
Obligatory trigger warning as this part (in comparison to the above) is much darker and more serious in regards to hard trauma and its appearance on my life.
My diagnoses and disorders list changed rapidly alongside my development as an older teen and a young adult. At 16/17 I was first diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and was treated with anti-depressants. I ended up having pretty bad or neutral reactions to all of the medications. I was medication resistant, and it has taken over 30 meds for me to find ones that worked well for me. After being on anti-depressants for so long, my symptoms worsened and I started self-harming to cope. I ended up having a major suicide attempt that year and landed in the mental hospital for the first time. I was diagnosed with PTSD and "Borderline Traits" there and was sent to Residential for about a month. That school year (High School) I missed over 1/3 of my Senior year.
I ended up having similar patterns when I turned 18. However, my moods became rapidly more and more unstable and I was put on mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics. I was soon diagnosed with Bipolar 2 after my first major Hypomanic Episode. It later turned into Bipolar 1 w/ Psychosis recently after my first major Manic Episode w/ Hallucinations and Delusions. My medications were hardly working around that time, and it took a few days cold turkey for the 5 month long Manic Episode to leave.
In addition to my Bipolar diagnoses, I was also having severe struggles with interpersonal conflict and turbulations in my personal life. After my next attempt at 19, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. My BPD and Bipolar have been the most prominent disorders in my life and up to this current moment.